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Jeff Farris
Last week's post covered the 10 commitments that coaches should expect from parents. When these commitments are missing, coaches may find the team or a player suffering as a result. Here are some ideas for working through this problem.

  1. Assume parents are trying to help. In spite of what parents may be doing, most are behaving as they are because they believe their actions will benefit their child. Many times parents may be repeating inappropriate behaviors that were used with them when they played sports.

  2. Educate parents about best practices. If parents are working in their child's best interests but are going about it wrong, then coaches can give parents alternative behaviors that will accomplish the desired results.

  3. Communicate frequently with parents as individuals and as a group. The more parents and coaches are at ease talking with each other about small issues, the more parents and coaches will be comfortable talking about more difficult issues.

  4. Rely on beginning of season communications. If the coach has held a meeting early in the season and given parents a clear set of goals and playing philosophies, coaches can go back to those to statements to restart the relationship.

  5. Seek help from league officials. Don't hesitate to discuss a problem parent with the supervising league official. This provides an opportunity to gain insight into the parent or the problem as well as alerting others to a difficult situation.

  6. Seek advice from other coaches. With coach turnover, coaches are seeing problems with parents and parent issues that have been resolved many times by other coaches before them.

  7. Use parent meetings to form consensus and invoke peer pressure. Parent meetings are good times to set expectations for team parent behavior and discuss them. Parents are more likely to act in ways that they believe are supported by other parents.

  8. Rely on printed league statements and codes of conduct. In extreme situations, coaches may need to reference the league's Code of Conduct to warn that current behavior may risk league actions. Coaches should use the league as the enforcer of these policies.


There is no standard approach to parent problems. A strategy focusing on communication, education and enforcement gives coaches the best chances of resolving parent issues.
Jeff Farris
Judging the success of a season is something that is easy for parents to do at anytime. If kids are playing in a safe environment that is fun and that is teaching the kids to be better people, then the season is going well. If there are risks that kids may get injured, want to quit playing or are learning the wrong life lessons, then the season is not only bad, it is on the verge of disaster.

Last week's post covered the 10 commitments that parents should expect from coaches. When some or all of these commitments are missing, then the risks of a disastrous season increase. A lack of commitment from a coach can lead to an environment that has a negative impact on a child's confidence and enjoyment. If not corrected, this negative impact can easily cut short a young person's sports future.

One of the life lessons that parents often teach is that one should tough out a bad situation. Yet, when confronted with a season with a bad coach, parents should rethink the finer points of this lesson. Toughing out a season makes sense only if parents can be assured that their child will not loose enthusiasm for sports. Toughing out a bad situation may avoid conflict but is not worth the risk that the current season will be the child's last.

There are alternatives to quitting for the season. Communication with the coach or league personnel may address the issue. Changing teams may be an option. However, placing a child's overall enjoyment ahead of all other issues gives parents a good starting point to address the problem.
Jeff Farris
Athletic ability is not judged by doing something well one time, but by doing something well many times. Consistency is critical to an athlete's success. Teams depend on the consistency of their players to put together a winning game or season.

Consistency is made up of several elements that work together including:

  • Physical conditioning - Will a player's body be able to perform on the 10th time like it did on the first time?

  • Mental conditioning - Can a player stay focused no matter what the score or time remaining?

  • Skill development - Does a player practice enough to turn occasional luck into a regular expectation?


Actual games do little to improve a player's consistency. More benefit comes from working away from games through exercise and practice. If players want to become someone their team can count on, they need to take responsibility for developing their consistency.
Jeff Farris
Parents are an integral part of any youth team. Not only do they provide equipment, transportation and funding for the team, parents also spend much more time with the players than the coaches do. For teams to work well, there are 10 commitments that coaches should expect out of parents. Parents should be committed to:
  1. Patience - Giving kids the time and space to develop the necessary skills and passion for the game. Too much pressure to succeed immediately only makes it harder for coaches to teach fundamentals.
  2. Fun - Working to create a season of great memories for the future.
  3. Maturity - Helping kids handle the emotions of competitive play.
  4. Support - Working with the coach to help kids acquire the physical development skills necessary.
  5. Communication - Letting the coach know about any family or life issues affecting the players.
  6. Praise - Providing the positive motivation that players need to continue working hard.
  7. Preparation - Getting their kids ready for games and practices with the right equipment, rest and nutrition.
  8. Punctuality - Showing up on time for practices and games.
  9. Sportsmanship - Being positive role models for handling losses and wins.
  10. Team - Demonstrating concern for the needs of the team as well as for the needs of their own child.
Most coaches can run their season without having to confront a lack of parental commitment. When this does become a problem, coaches may occasionally be forced to resolve the situation for the benefit of a player or the team. Next week's newsletter will provide some thoughts on how to deal with this issue.
Jeff Farris
The start of a new season often means a new coach. Over time, the different backgrounds and styles of each coach will work to benefit a child's abilities by providing fresh insights and approaches. Parents need to help the coach make the most of the limited time to create the best experience possible for their child. Parents also need to make sure that the coach is someone they want to instruct their child. There are 10 commitments that parents should expect out of a coach. Coaches should be committed to:

  1. Safety - Putting player safety first. This means everything from refusing to play an injured player to forfeiting a game that has become unsafe.

  2. Fun - Showing an understanding that a player's effort is often determined by the amount of fun involved.

  3. Maturity - Positively handling the emotions of competitive play.

  4. Sportsmanship - Demonstrating the right way to lose as well as to win.

  5. Goals - Setting expectations for their players and for their team

  6. Education - Helping kids better understand and play the sport.

  7. Preparation - Spending the time to create organized and productive practices.

  8. Communication - Explaining the details of player progress, skills, plays or games to players and parents alike.

  9. Players - Demonstrating concern about players as individuals as well as about the team as a whole.

  10. Passion - Generating a positive passion for the sport and for fair competition.


Most coaches will meet these commitment tests with flying colors. However, there may be occasions when coaches don't measure up. Then, parents must resolve the situation. Next week's newsletter will provide some thoughts on this issue.
Jeff Farris
The following table shows the average height and weight for boys and girls from the ages of 5 to 18. Wide variations are common. Kids' height can vary by as much as 6" at age 5 for kids who will still grow up to be the same size. Girls and boys are very similar in average height and weight until puberty.

Boys

Girls


Height

Weight

Height

Weight

43

40

42

40

46

44

45

44

48

50

48

50

51

56

51

56

53

62

52

62

55

70

54

72

57

79

57

82

59

88

59

91

61

101

62

102

65

112

63

108

67

124

63

114

68

134

64

118

69

142

64

121

69

148

64

123

Source: National Center for Health Statistics One of the biggest challenges with growth concerns the times when kids are out of step with their peers. If kids are developing slower, they may feel less confident and will need encouragement to continue playing when they are tempted to quit. Players who develop quicker may become overconfident and lack the work ethic to excel. These players will need encouragement to continue improving. Over time, most physical differences will even out but the process is difficult physically and emotionally. Growing up is hard to do.

For More Information:
The complete set of growth charts with percentile variations can be found at the NCHS website:

http://www.cdc.gov/growthcharts.
Jeff Farris
Cal Ripken Jr. is one of baseball's legends and today players like Alex Rodriguex still look to him as one of their heroes. One of Cal Ripken's childhood stories is of how his Little League baseball team lost the regional final. Cal gave up a three-run homer and was the losing pitcher. After the game, all the players were crying and miserable, especially Cal. If they had gone home that day it would have been one of their worst memories. But as it worked out, the next day another team took Cal's team deep sea fishing. Cal had never done that before. It turned out to be a fun time and a great memory.

What would have happened if Cal had gone home the next day and continued feeling bad about the way he played? Would he have quit and not gone on to accomplish a championship career? Players can get too wrapped up in their mistakes and forget to focus on their accomplishments. Players learn from mistakes by understanding them and not by dwelling on them.
Jeff Farris
The intensity and emotion of a close competition can easily carry over into post-game discussions. It is often difficult for coaches to stop trying to manage the game after it is over. However, post-game conversations are not a part of the game. After all, nothing that is said after a game can affect its outcome. Conversations after a game have much more impact on the next practice or the next game. With that in mind, here are five suggestions for coaches for post-game conversations with players and parents:

  1. Be patient. There will be plenty of time to address mistakes. Make a list of mistakes made during the game and then set it aside for review before planning the next practice or game.

  2. Be positive. Allow the players to celebrate their good plays so that they continue to build their inner desire to improve.

  3. Be communicative. Don't shy away from players or parents after a loss any more than after a win. Changing parental interactions based on the outcome will leave parents assuming the worst about their child or the team.

  4. Be objective. Before looking to player mistakes, first look to see if there were other things that could have been done better in preparation or motivation.

  5. Be candid. If you made a mistake during the game, don't be afraid to admit it. If coaches are honest about their mistakes, players are more likely to be honest about theirs.


Parents and players take their cues from the coach. A compliment helps reassure parents of their child's potential and keeps them from focusing too much on their own judgments. It can even help shape parental conversations in the car on the way home. Good post-game conversations can do more to bring a team together than any conversation before a game.
Jeff Farris
When players join a team, they often get instructions from a coach about what is expected of them, but, players rarely get a similar set of instructions from their teammates. However, learning what is expected from teammates can be a fairly simple process. All players need to do is list what they want from their teammates and then work to give those things first. Here is a common wish list for teammates:
  1. Talks to me - Someone who is in a good mood and goes out of the way to say hello and talk to me.
  2. Helps me - Someone who practices and learns about the game and then helps me learn too.
  3. Gives me a chance - Someone who shares the play with me by passing.
  4. Encourages me - Someone who always tells me to keep trying when something I do isn't working out.
  5. Congratulates me - Someone who is the first person to congratulate me when I do something right.
  6. Sticks up for me - Someone who I can count on when I'm challenged by someone on the other team.
  7. Shows confidence - Someone who is positive about our abilities to win contests.
  8. Never quits - Someone who always plays hard no matter the score.
  9. Never pouts - Someone who is always upbeat even if something doesn't go the right way.
  10. Never boasts - Someone who thanks other players for their help after making a score.
Being a good teammate takes work and thought. Players who make the effort will see the reward long past their time on the team.
Jeff Farris

"To know your enemy, you must become your enemy... Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."
Sun Tzu

Unfortunately for some youth coaches, this saying might have more application to team parents than to the weekend's opponent. However, if parents are becoming a problem, this ancient Chinese battle strategy does provide solid advice for coaches seeking a remedy.

Coaches and parents do not have the same goals. Where parents focus on one child, coaches focus on the entire team. Most times, these differing viewpoints yield the same result and parents and coaches see little conflict. Occasionally though, these differing focuses cause two distinct interpretations of events. This is where Sun Tzu's advice comes into play.

For coaches to work with parents, they need to bring them close and to communicate. Coaches not only educate players, they also educate parents. Part of a youth coach's job is to help parents understand ways they can help their child and to help them understand things from a team perspective. Good communication between coaches and parents goes a long away to keep things in perspective and under control. Good communication won't make the viewpoints the same, but will make for a better understanding.